every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You dont lie about slip and slides
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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