the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
this is an emotional support booty call
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
