So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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