yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
