So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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