respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
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