It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
