Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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