so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
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