I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
