whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize