Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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