You just made me feel so damn special
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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