lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
