awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
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