yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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