well I can't set my house on fire every night
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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