How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Randomize
