Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
