I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
