I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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