we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
