Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
