Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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