So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
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