i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
