I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
