I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
