he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
