in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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