We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
