some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
