I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
