the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
