I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
