Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
