Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
Why is your signature on my underwear?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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