would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
