i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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