i think i have herpe
just one?
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
