after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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