Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
