Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
