The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
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