...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
