I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Also, beer. Big fan.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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