Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
now i know why i became what i already was.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
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