the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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