And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Is it penis luge time yet?
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
