Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
So squirting runs in the family.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
