Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
