Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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