apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
