You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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