I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
