Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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