Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Randomize
