last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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