I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Randomize
