that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
