How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
You ate ashes out of my bong
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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