I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
