well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
