Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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