I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
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Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
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i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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