Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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