forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
