It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
